Rejection, Resilence

“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don't base your self-esteem on their opinions.”   Harvey Mackay

I wanted him to want me. He didn’t want me.  So why am I so hurt now by the reality that he doesn’t miss me?  How can you miss what you never wanted? 

Why is it so hard to sit with rejection even when we knew it was coming?  There’s a heaviness in my chest, an ache in my arms, a catch in my throat.  I’m not falling apart, but I’m not all together either.  I’m in between. Between here and there.  Between where I was and where I’m going.  We’re not together, but I don’t quite yet know how to be apart.  I’m alone, but not…yet. 

While as humans we shouldn’t base our self-esteem on others, it’s very difficult to not question ‘what’s wrong with me’ when facing the rejection of someone we love.  Especially someone we desperately wanted to love us back.  The rejection of love is difficult to take, leaves most of us a little lost, without direction. 

We plan a life with someone. We give up the life we had to create a new one.  We go from me to us…and back to me again.  Sometimes so quickly and with so much loss it’s difficult to find our bearings again.  There isn’t a single resemblance to the life you had before and thoughts of creating a new life with such threadbare means is overwhelming.

And yet…we do.  We find our footing on a precarious path to tomorrow.  We assess what’s left.  We remind ourselves of what is good about us. We surround ourselves with family and friends who actually love us. Who make us smile, who remind of us what’s important in life.  Eventually, the hurt heals.  We create a new life including the learning we gained from this experience, we grow and expand in our capacity to love ourselves.  We are resilient creatures with an endless supply of grace.  We get through, we move on, we laugh again. It's a journey...from us to me. From here to there.  From now until then.