Friday, March 4, 2016

Guided Towards the Door

My life is a story and just when I think the main characters have all been chosen, the story line changes.  Tomorrow, a chapter closes.  Last year, from start to finish, was an entire year of bad decisions.  It started with a memorial for my sister and ended with me being completely upended.  A year of loss, avoidance, denial, rejection and heart ache.  A new year begun with the realization that every thing I need, I already have.

Passionate, forgiving, loyal, constant love and belonging.  A safe place to live.  Someone (several someones) to hold me when I cry, to celebrate my successes, to call me on my shit, to let me love them back just as fully.  My kids...their mates...this kind of love is so rare and such a gift. I'm blessed to have it many times over.

The last couple months of 2015 were spent in tears.  The beginning couple months of 2016 were spent questioning everything about myself.  After a year long experience of rejection and loss, those questions needed to be asked and answered.  The answers are all right here.  Like Dorothy, I have everything I need.

Last night, a man put his hand in the small of my back to direct me towards a door.  That simple gesture sent chills up my spine.  It's the little things, the simple gestures of kindness that remind us of our humanity, of our need for human touch and connection.  The simple act of guiding someone towards a door.

Tomorrow, a chapter's ending gets written.  I'm being guided toward a door that leads to the unknown and just like always, I'm insatiably curious.  What comes next? Who am I gonna meet? What am I gonna know a year from now that I don't know now?  What am I gonna learn?

I'm incredibly thankful for the friends I made this past year, the child who changed my life, the hand in the small of my back to remind me to connect with mine and others humanity and head towards the open door.