Monday, June 13, 2016

Scars Of The Heart

"Scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we're going." - David Rossi

They say scar tissue is harder to pierce than unscarred places.  Scar tissue replaces 'normal' skin after a wound.  Physicians say that every wound results in some degree of scarring and thus scarring is part of the normal healing process.  Yet the new material formed by the scar is 'usually of inferior quality'.  If a wound takes more than two to four weeks to heal, a permanent scar will be formed.

So what about the unseen wounds? The wounds on my heart and my psyche?  What about the wounds that leave me fearful of strong emotions and create chaos in my life and those around me?  What about that scar tissue? Is it of 'inferior quality' leaving me incapable of allowing something good to happen to my heart?

If I could love the wrong person that much, shouldn't I be able to love the right person so much more?

Today I was told to not the let the wounds of the past ruin today or undermine what may come in the future.  The truth is, I don't know how. I don't know how to not look for the fake, the game being played...rather than seek the truth I look for the lie.  Rather than trust the feelings, I look for the hurt.  Maybe if I'm prepared for the hurt, the shock of it will be reduced and the impact less.  They say scar tissue is stronger than 'normal' tissue.  My heart heart is not strong enough to endure another break.  Henry David Thoreau says the only remedy for love is to love more...scary love even more than I have loved before.

My response was: I'm trying.  I'm really trying.

"A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works."
-- T.E. Kalem