I’ve been
having conversations about vulnerability lately and hearing the term used in
the media. It seems to be the current catch
word. But are we using the word so much that it’s lost its…vulnerability? According to Webster vulnerability is “the quality or state of being exposed to
the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally”. Brene Brown, the leader in research on shame
and vulnerability, defines it as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not
weakness; it's our most accurate measure of courage”.
While I’ve
been having these conversations about vulnerability, nothing about them feels
vulnerable. I crave a certain level of
exposure, but it doesn’t work long or well if the other person isn’t also
willing to take risks. Talking ‘about’ something, isn’t the same as ‘being’
something. How can we move from talking about
being vulnerable into being vulnerable? What are the steps necessary to
get there?
First and
foremost, we must know ourselves and be comfortable with what we find. How can we possibly risk exposure if we haven’t
done the work ourselves? When I was a
social worker, my clients used to ask me why I was so okay sitting with their
shit. My answer? I learned to sit with
my own shit.
What I’m
craving, is someone who can sit with my shit.
Someone who can hear my stories and remain. Remain open. Remain interested. Remain engaged. Someone who is also willing to take the risk
and expose themselves to me. Letting me
see their emotions…all of them. The positive and the negative. Talk to me. Tell me what you think. About
everything.
A one
sided relationship is never fun. While I
can be vulnerable and am willing to be, if the other person doesn’t follow and
share on a deep level, it’s not long before I’m retreating. Putting distance –
physically and emotionally – between us.
For now, I’m
going to keep testing the waters. Being
vulnerable. Being real. And, hopefully, run into someone who wants to
reciprocate. What I’ve learned is, test
the waters. Share. But when the other
person isn’t wading into the deep waters with me, retreat before I drown.
