Sunday, September 16, 2018

Impossible Cravings

Why is that we want things that we intellectually know are bad for us? Too much food - or the wrong food.  Too much alcohol.  The wrong boyfriend or girlfriend. When we know it's going to hurt us, when we have already been hurt, when we know the outcome is never going to change, why do we still have these impossible cravings?

My hands shake, my heart races, my stomach knots up...and I want him so badly that I can't focus on what's in front of me.  Just look at the menu, just order your dinner...don't look at the picture that just popped up, don't re-read the last text for the millionth time, don't order another glass of wine in an effort to ease this...just order dinner and get out of here.

Why does this still happen? How long do we have these complicated, impossible cravings for things that hurt us?

Jodi Picoult: "What we all want, really, is to be loved. That craving drives our worst behavior".

Why is that? Why does a craving to be loved, desired, appreciated drive us to act like our worse selves?  Perhaps because rejection is one of the worst feelings in the world...even when the person rejecting us is nowhere near worthy of our affections.

Rumi:

I choose to love you in silence
For in silence I find no rejection

I choose to love you in loneliness
For in loneliness no one owns you but me

I choose to adore you from a distance
For distance will shield me from pain

I choose to kiss you in the wind
For the wind is gentler than my lips

I choose to hold you in my dreams
For in my dreams, you have no end

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