Profound Sadness

I am so sad this evening. Frustrated - overwhelmed. I moved here to the coast of Oregon to escape the sadness and busy-ness of the city. What I'm experiencing is so much more profoundly sad than working with homeless, previously incarcerated, mentally ill individuals. This place is beautiful in its natural beauty but the people are narrow minded, shallow and epitomize what I believe is wrong with our world. Money seems to be the driving force in every decision. Patriarchy reigns supreme with oppression of every kind being tangible. I truly hate my job. The un-just treatment of the female employees is overwhelming and blatant. It is perfectly okay for the "guys" in the field to call us bitches and expect that our entire job is to be there "for them" and to make their jobs easier. This work is truly the most meaningless, dis-satisfying choice I've ever made. And the peace that marked my home-coming after work each day was shattered today. Jakobi had been outside playing and stepped in dog shit, tracking it all over the house. He and the dog are having a battle of the wills over whose territory this is. I've not experienced this level of grief for quite some time. My work day was frustrating and I tried to overcome with kindness. At the end of the day when I answered phone without overwhelming enthusiasm, I got a called a bitch by the man on the other end. Last Friday, I had a customer who was coming in to pay his bill reach over the counter and pinch my cheek -- like his long lost niece. That behavior is expected and I'm expected to not only tolerate it, but keep smiling. I cannot any longer. I don't know what the next move will be, but I won't be long in this place of patriarchal control.