Seeds of Discontent

discontent noun
1. a longing for something better than the present situation [syn: discontentment] [ant: contentment]


con·tent (kən-těnt') adj.
Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.
Ready to accept or acquiesce; willing:

These past few weeks have been filled with discontent. Perhaps my life has been filled with discontent. Some time ago I had a long conversation with my father on the meaning of life. I don't recall he and my mother being filled with angst regarding whether or not their life had meaning. Worrying if they were making money in the right fashion, if thier job was satisfying, if they were contributing to society. And yet, these thoughts are never out of my head. Am I contributing to the community in which I live? Is there something more? Is this all there is? And if so, is it worth it? Yesterday I asked my neighbors (aged 53) what their greatest accomplishments were. One said her daughter, one said that if she ever got there, her greatest accomplishment would be forgiving someone that had wronged her. I wonder, will I ever be content? Desiring no more than what I have? I don't long for stuff, I long for accomplishment. For adventure, moving on, moving forward, learning more. Discovering something, someone, somewhere different.

If I died today, what would be my greatest accomplishment? Have I accomplished anything? And, what if this is all there is? If I spend the rest of my life lounging in the garden, walking on the beach, reading books to expand my own thoughts, is that enough? What if I never accomplish anything? Is a life lived without a goal in mind, an accomplishment being worked towards, worth living? If I'm not working towards something - what is the point of my life?

These are some things I want to do before I call it quits: hike in the Grand Canyon, live on the beach in Mexico, drive around the United States in an RV, go camping with a horse and a dog, ride a motorcycle (not be a passenger), publish a book.

It's not so much that I long for more than I have (discontent) it's content (willing to acquiese; give in) that I'm unwilling to do. Giving in: sounds like giving up to me. But, what am I giving up?

Do the rest of you question yourself, your life, your motives, to this extent with no satisfying answers?